What am I wearing?

I am wearing a look on my face and a suit of mannerisms that define me.

I am long since unaware of what I am doing and what feelings went into who I
appear to be.

But here I am with a particular look and feel to me that I am so used to that I
probably wouldn't recognize it if you told me or even video taped me and
showed me myself.

Nevertheless, here I am, mannerisms, responses, personality evolved into
what I apparently am.

In Jungian terms I have evolved a persona, an act I present to the world. We
all have many personae, our work persona, our friendship persona, lover,
parent, child, so many ways we know how to be. They overlap or may even be
the same in many instances. But there it is, the way we want to be perceived.

Some people walk as if they were carrying a heavy weight. Some are
cautious, wary, slow and suspicious. Some are carefree, even careless. But
we all have our little act. Mine is an attempt to appear serene these days.
That's what I'm sposed to be after all.

Nevertheless, we are works in progress, not fully formed. The final version
isn't in yet. We are still evolving, if not as a species, at least as individuals.
I'm trying to be a product of intelligent design but I'm afraid Darwin still has
the upper hand.

I go into the stillness, watch myself grow, watch myself evolve. There's no
doubt about evolution for me. I see it in myself every day, dropping old
behaviors.

It is survival of the fittest for sure and the fittest is now spiritual for me.

Or perhaps I could say that the Darwinianly evolved things are falling away.
I'd rather share my food than guard it, give than take, love than fight.

Funny thing is my territory becomes the infinite. What a grab!


Emanations
Copyright © 2005 by John MacEnulty