A dissident who goes by the name of Amarji , passionate, poetic and worth a look.
I just survived another round of dubiously curt and polite investigation by the Military Security Directorate. This promises to be the last such session with this particular Directorate. But it seems obvious now that other security branches will be jumping into the fray soon.
As I returned home today and tried to organize my thoughts, I found it difficult to make sense of this while development. What do these people want anyway? Who is making the decision to investigate? Is all this taking place on the personal behest of each branch leader in an attempt to prove to themselves, and their superiors, that they are doing their job and that they remain on top of things? Or is there some kind of coordination taking place between the various branches, something that did not use to happen before? If so, what is the purpose of this coordination in my case? Is the clicking ticking on me. . .
The people at the political security apparatus contacted me today and promised to resolve my “travel restrictions” situation soon. They said the whole issue was related to the fact that they were trying to find some legal/official framework to allow for the Tharwa Project to be operated from Damascus. . .
The heretic’s dream: a safe place where he can practice and preach his heresy, undisturbed, unmolested. . .
In the dead of night, the Heretic is busy working behind his desk, his wife and kids fast asleep, and his senses numb all but to one thought. Well, a question really, an oft recurring question these days: am I sealing my fate, or is my fate sealing me? Or, to wax even more philosophic:
How can one feel trapped by choices he seems to be making of his own volition. . .
Our leaders say that they are confused, that they don’t really understand what the Americans really want from all these pressures they are exerting against them. Well, I don’ think I can be put it any more eloquently than the new UAE ruler did: “change or be changed.” That’s what the Americans want, their real intentions and reasons are beside the point. . .
I didn’t come back to Damascus in ’94 because I was homesick or for some nationalistic reason. I came back because at the very last moment I stopped my hand from lunging a dagger into my heart, I came back because I had a mother and a father and I needed to be cuddled once again and saved from myself, I came back to write and commit suicide in other less dramatic ways, perhaps. . .
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