Having To Go

Do you remember sitting in your boss's
office discussing a very important and
urgent topic while feeling that... you
"have to go" [to the bathroom that is...]!


I do remember it!


Similarity, do you remember sitting in
a prayer, in a church, in a sermon, in
a temple, in a satsang...

while feeling that you "have to go"...


Do you remember sitting with your
lover in a beautiful garden full of
roses, streams, green grass, singing
birds under the blue sky...

while feeling that you "have to go"...


Or, rowing your beautiful canoe with
you lover in the lake under the
moonlight...

while feeling that you "have to go"...



The whole joy seems to fade away...

the beauty seems to disappear...

you don't clearly hear...

you start missing the songs of birds...

you start missing the joke that your lover uttered...

Children playing around don't appear that
beautiful anymore...

The air doesn't feel that fragrant anymore...

Your lover doesn't seem that intriguing anymore...


you feel you "have to go"...
and, the beauty and reality of "where you are"
seem to fade and start disappearing for you...

The tension builds...

Division builds...

You feel divided...
you feel split between... the feeling
of being in this canoe under the
beautiful sky... versus you feeling the
need to go...


And, the need to go feels much
stronger than what you are actually
doing now, where you are actually
sitting now...

You physically stay at one place and
your mind keeps traveling to other
place and keeps reminding you that...
you "have to go"...


That I realized is the source of constant
pain that most of us constantly feel...

It builds [inner] conflict, it builds
tension, it creates [inner] split...
and, it perfectly spoils even most
beautiful Moments!

You feel annoyed at your boss [for making
you sit in an "important" meeting while
you needing "to go"]...

You feel annoyed at your lover [for making
you come on this canoe ride], you snap
at her...


It makes even the paradise a torturous Hell!


And, I realized that this "feeling"
of "having to go"***... is a constant
companion for almost all of us!


It gives a constant feeling of inner unease,
an inner discomfort and pain that unless deeply
investigated, examined and revealed accompanies
us all our life!

It lives as a constantly present inner
tension that seems to keep "reminding"
us of the "need" of 'being somewhere else',
'doing something else'... the "need" of
'being someone else'...


It practically keeps us always divided,
always split... and, in constant pain that
results from this 'split'!


Split this way,
we pass through our entire life...
without really "living" it!

and, our life seem to have just passed
through the rear-view mirror of our
memory whereas, we have been always
[mentally] "running" to... be Somewhere else!



...in very few moments when this
background tension, this stress to
be somewhere else is not present...

the real beauty appears...
real laughter appears...
real love appears...
real happiness appears...

real freedom appears...



and,

when this [Momentary] "gap" appears...

it doesn't appear because of any "effort"...

it appears because the constant
'reminding' effort [of being somewhere
lese, doing something else, having
something else, being someone else...]
ceased for a moment due to "surrender"...


or,

the effort broke for a moment of a
"sudden" movement that ego couldn't cope
with and thus left...




 

    "having to go" in real life is
also felt as "having to do", "should do",
"need to do", "need to be somewhere else",
"need to do something else", "need to get
something else", "need to achieve something
else"... "need to feel some way different than
excatly how I am feeling right now",
"need to do something other than
EXACTLY what I am doing right now"

I realized that, peace is when I clearly know that:

- I want to do... exactly what I am doing right now.

- I want to be... exactly where I am at this very moment.

- I want to be... exactly the way I am this very moment.

- I want to feel... exactly what I feel this very moment.

- I want... exactly what I have at this very moment.

- I need... exactly what I have at this moment.



Peace is when I realize with all my heart,

when I choose with all my heart...

- to be exactly where I am,
do exactly what I am doing,
think exactly what I am thinking,
feel exactly how I am feeling,
to be with exactly whom I am with!

Anything else keeps me divided,
split and... 'in pain'.

---

When I am perfectly clear, what is
is what I want.

~Byron Katie.


and,


I'm a lover of what is, not because
I'm a spiritual person, but because it
hurts when I argue with reality.

~ Byron Katie.


What is is. You don't get a vote.
Haven't you noticed?

~ Byron Katie.

~adithya comming